Definition
DESIRE uses cognitive behavioral therapy and motivation interviewing techniques to outline 6 steps to success
D: Describe the Goal
Describe what you want to achieve
I want to stop watching porn , be in a place where even if i see a little bit of nudity it wont temp me to go ahead and watch the full thing. I want to be able to hold my temptation be strong
- **Specific
- What do you want to do? Stop watching porn.
- How will it move you toward your rich and meaningful life? By stop watching porn i will be smarter than i am, it will allow me to stop wasting time and do a lot of productive things , and maybe my relationships will be improved too.
- **Measurable
- How will you know when you are done? I will know when i am done when even if i am alone at night on my bed right after i sleep , i drop my phone or computer and sleep without any need to resist myself not to watch it because i am completely over it , and even if i am lonely and alone i do other things but not watch it.
- **Achievable
- Can you realistically do it? Yes i can realistically do it because it doable and i have done it once for completely 30 days, and a lot of people do it .
- **Relevant
- Will this achieve the desired outcome? This will help me get smarter, socialize more, read more.
- **Time Limited
- Daily, Weekly, Monthly annual goals ( Identify something that you can achieve or accomplish today towards my goal, something withing a week) and give yourself a reward.
- I will take 3 days off , and write down triggers that cursed urges and how how i handled them.
- Reward myself with Rufaida Yogurt.
- Daily, Weekly, Monthly annual goals ( Identify something that you can achieve or accomplish today towards my goal, something withing a week) and give yourself a reward.
E: Explore Motivation
Explore and Address the benefits and drawbacks to working on this Goal
Motivation Comes In 5 Different Areas
- Physical: How are you going to feel physically (sleep, energy, pain/discomfort)
- Affective: How are you going to feel mentally (Anxiety , frustration etc)
- Cognitive: How is it going to improve your attitude (Thinking skills)
- Environmental: How is it going to impact your ADLs (Activities of Daily Living), Finances and Hobbies
- Relational: How is it going to impact your relationship with others
| Area | Work Towards This Goal | Stay the Same |
|---|---|---|
| Physical | - More energy and motivation to exercise or hit the gym.- Better sleep and focus.- Healthier dopamine levels; improved stamina and confidence.- Reduced fatigue and guilt after relapse. | - Constant tiredness or brain fog.- Unhealthy sleep patterns.- Energy crashes and lack of motivation. |
| Affective (Emotional/Mental) | - Feel happier, calmer, and more confident.- Reduced anxiety, guilt, and frustration.- More control over emotions and urges. | - Stay anxious, ashamed, and emotionally unstable.- Constant frustration and self-blame. |
| Cognitive (Thinking/Attitude) | - Clearer thinking and sharper focus.- More discipline and productivity.- Improved memory and creativity.- Better problem-solving mindset. | - Stay distracted and unmotivated.- Mental fog and low discipline.- Poor focus on studies or goals. |
| Environmental (Daily Life, Finances, Hobbies) | - More time and energy for hobbies, fitness, coding, and learning.- Save money and reduce wasted hours.- Stronger self-control over devices and digital habits. | - Continue wasting time online.- Miss out on opportunities for self-improvement.- Stay stuck in unproductive routines. |
| Relational (Social and Interpersonal) | - More comfortable around people.- Improved communication and empathy.- Stronger and more meaningful relationships.- Respect and trust from others. | - Stay isolated or socially awkward.- Damaged trust or intimacy in relationships.- Difficulty connecting with real people. |
| Benefits Summary | - Feel alive, focused, and confident.- Build mental toughness.- Grow emotionally, socially, and intellectually. | - No growth, more anxiety, and continued regret. |
| Drawbacks Summary | - Short-term discomfort while breaking the habit.- Must learn new coping skills and stay consistent.- Requires effort and patience. | - Long-term misery and stagnation.- Loss of time, confidence, and relationships. |
S: Seek Support And Knowledge
Change causes crisis and crisis causes change!
- Who can encourage you and how?
- What ADLs can you delegate to free up time?
- Who can mentor you?
I: Identify The Steps
Break the goal down into baby steps with target dates
Create a master plan
- What is the first thing you need to do?
- When can you realistically get that done by?
- Is there something you need to do which can be finished sooner? (Iterate and apply DESIRE to each of the steps as needed)
R: Remove Obstacles
- What has stopped you in the past?
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Time
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Knowledge
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Organization
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Planning/goal setting
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Finances
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Fear
- Failure(Perfection)
- Rejection(lack of support)
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E: Envision Success
Envision yourself achieving that goal
- Each night before bed, see yourself achieving your overall goal
- Each morning (before you get up) envision yourself successfully completing your goal for the day
Summary
- DESIRE uses a combination of CBT and motivational interviewing to help you achieve your goals.
- You can use DESIRE to define your long term goals (like getting a degree) as well as short term goals that will help you achieve the long term goal.
- Choosing a school, applying, getting aid, selecting a major, registering for classes, getting books, scheduling coursework etc.