These two factors: fear of abandonment and ego-centeredness, create a very powerful dynamic for all children.
when ever a chld experiences any kind of abandonment he will always believe that he is the cause of what has happended to him. ehich is not the case .
Thes abandonment experiences might include
- He is hungry and no one feeds him
- He cries and no one holds him
- He is lonely and no one pays attention to him
- A parent gets angry at him
- A parent neglects him
- A parent puts unrealistic expectations on him
- A parent uses him to gratify his or her own needs
- A parent shames him
- A parent hits him
- A parent doesn’t want him
- A parent leaves
Because every child is born into an imperfect world and into an imperfect family, every child has abandonment expe- riences. Even though their belief that they are the cause of these painful events is, in fact, an inaccurate interpretation of their life, children have no other way to understand the world.
These abandonment experiences and the naicve , ego centered interpretation of them creates a blief in some young children that it is not acceptable for the to be who they are,, just as they are . it creaes a psychological state called Toxic shame